1 Year Reflection (2016)

While the rest of the country remembers 9.11.2001, today I remember 9.11.2015 which is the day I will never forget and is still often replayed in my mind. My mom met Jesus face to face this day and I know he took away all of her pain and earthly struggles which paved a hard road for my family and I to take. I know she's happy, but it still doesn't take away the hurt i have felt over the year. I'm not the same person I was a year ago, but I'm still learning to adapt and restore myself. This life isn't easy, but that's why I'm glad I have Jesus to help me and guide me. I'm blessed with so many people who love my family and I. Though my mom isn't here on earth, I still get to see her in some of my dreams, some that feel so real that I awake in tears wishing I didn't have to wake up and face this reality that still feels new some days. I've learned that a mother's love truly is forever. Life isn't fair and it sucks that I don't understand God's reasoning for this, but I've learned if I don't trust Him I have nothing. I love my mom more today than I ever have because she molded me into the person I am today and this event that I can often see as a total loss has developed me as a person even though some days I feel as though it had broke me. Ive come to realize it's okay to be broken because that leaves room for God to shine through and repair me and continue to work through me and that is the biggest positive out of this. I want God to use me and mine and my mom's story (His story) for His glory. My mom kept her faith 'til the very end and I plan to do the same even though it seems harder on some days. God has placed some pretty amazing people in my life to help me on my journey and for them I am forever grateful. I've endured this grief, this year only by the grace of God and He will continue to carry me the rest of my days as long as I ask Him to do so.